24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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