There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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