Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She said her name was "party"
I accidentally burped into my bong.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
