There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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