Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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