there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
