Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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