some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
