nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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