How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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