Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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