you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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