I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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