She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
