I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just pee around me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
