I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
