i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
