i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
