I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
