No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
