i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
