bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
