I wish I could teleport
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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