Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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