so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
