I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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