Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
