Me. At least after what I've been through.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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