Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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