he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
