the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
