She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
