Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
