She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
