Just fell off a train. Bad.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
