You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
