We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
