yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
