Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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