dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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