idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
