I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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