Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
