end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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