he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
