What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
