doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
