Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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