Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
