Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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