Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize