Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
