I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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