I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
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This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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