see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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