Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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