ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
