Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
