Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
