my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
