peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
