Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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