I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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