i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
