What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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