Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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