I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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