i think i have two assholes
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
