i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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