You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
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he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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