I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
