I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
