woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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