my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
