Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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