This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
