you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
