His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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