TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
