Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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