she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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